Letter to My
My Dear Daughter
My little girl -
Today I looked at the China Center for Adoption Affairs website and now I am really sad. The reason for the overwhelming blueness that I feel is because the website indicates we will probably not receive the referral for you, our little girl, our daughter, until probably June of 2007. This just seems so painfully long. For some reason on this day, I can hardly stand the hurt I feel for all of us. When we started this journey we thought it would be about May or June of this year that you would be coming home, to our home, to your home. Every month we have been aware that the wait was increasing from when we first started our journey to find you, and there has been a feeling of disappointment each time the wait increased. For some reason, today, itís really hit me hard. I donít know why today was the day for it to break me up so much, but it was ó maybe it was the fact that it now appears it is taking China about three months to finish one month of referrals. Maybe itís just that today I let myself feel the pain. I have just been looking forward so much to receiving news of our referral early next year. I donít know why a few more months seem so much longer but it does. You know emotion is not always rationalóthatís something you will learn. Well, you may not learn it as much as you will experience it. I still have not learned it but I keep learning how to deal with those emotions.
Your mother and I started our journey to you with Bethany Christian Services in April of 2005. However, it was about four to five years before that when we started seriously considering that we would love to adopt a little girl just like you from China. So itís been longer than some may understand but believe me when I say, your mother and I understand, and we will never forget this feeling. We know that the pain in our hearts as we wait for you will be replaced by joy that is beyond expression when we finally hold you in our arms. Until then, we hold you close in our hearts. We know that most likely, at this moment you are out there somewhereóprobably with the same pain of loneliness in your little heart. You probably do not even understand why it is you are hurting or what loneliness is but itís there just the same. My little girl, you are lonely for a forever home, for a Mom and Dad to hold you, to pick you up and kiss away those tears, to laugh with you, to play with you, to cry with you, to be there when you go to sleep at night and be there when you awake in the morning. We just want to bring you home. We just want to give you the love and happiness you deserve. The joy you bring in the first minute that we meet and hold you will make up by a 1000 times what I am feeling now. My little girl, the ache in your little heart and the ache in our hearts will only be healed when we have each other, when we are a family together for life. I already love you, beautiful daughter.
Love from my heart to yours,